Gumball Vs Satan
by Great Pikmin Fan
Summary: Part of the "SBIG" series. It's a stupid parody thing that's intentionally badly written. I'd suggest to ignore this if you don't like deliberately badly done fan fiction. Actual story is where the Devil himself has some problems and Elmore Jr. High gets caught up in it, before the story quickly turns into something even more... out-there.
1. The Newcomer

**Gumball Vs Satan**

**Chapter 1: The Newcomer**

**Beginning AN:**

This is an intentionally badly written fan fic, don't even try to take it seriously. Just read it as if it were a joke I guess?

Any similarities to another fan fic are coincidental. And I do mean that more than I usually do when it comes to SBIG: The previous installments kinda tended to make a few lighthearted cliche parodies, this one doesn't for now ("now" refering to the two chapters in one update here) and doesn't plan on it later.

This is rated T for swearing, mild (but very badly described) violence, and maybe some perverted humor.

* * *

Mr Omarn Scratch who was the badguy of this fan fic was playing poke with his poker buddies: Shits (he does all the dirty work; he's a salt monster that looks like Problem Slooth) and Giggels (he's no lafffing matter; he looks like a green corcidiel who's art style is in the same as Problem Solverz) when the lite bulb burn out.

"Aw snap!" Shouted Giggels. Not to be confused with Happy Tree Frends Giggles the squirrle.

"Don worry" said Omarn, "I change bulb"

He got ladder, but there was a missing sixth step! He fell thro it!

"Ah!" Omarn shouted as he fell into the floor. Then he got angry. "Shits," he said. "You doi all the dirty work. You change it."

But then the game thing happened! Shits fell to the floor!

"Ow! This ladder is broken! That meens there's a problem with it!"

"Gigglse?"

"No way man. That latter is cursed. Its like Rolf from _Ed Edd n Eddy_ did his 'from another contry' magic on it."

Omarn looke at it. "Hrm... I now my dottor can sort things out. Elisa!"

Elisa was ther and she looked pretty. Elisa and Omarn where humen looking thingys.

"Hrm it seems that the problemo is a gap in the ladder."

"What we use?"

"Well we moved to Elmore so I can go to the middel school as a transfer to see whassup."

* * *

**(Waterson house)**

"Hay" said the Nicole of the family, "I herd that there's a new peeople moving in let's check out."

"No" said Anais who's like Lisa Simpson but better. "What if ther Nazis."

"O yikes your right. We should bring katanas just in case ther Nazis."

"Nazis?" Said Gumball with disgust. "I hate these guys!"

Then Nicole Gumball Anais and Darwin left, but Richard appeard at top of stairs!

"I can't wait to be a useless peice of shit all dsay and wach all this TV."

But then he steped on stairs, and got blown up by a landmmine! Hay! Who put that there?

* * *

**(Srach House)**

Door nock.

"Hi hello." Said Omarn.

"Good afternoon homie." said Nicol because she was hip and modern like that. "You must be new persin who moved in."

"Yes I am" said Omarn "And I am not evil in any way whatsovever."

Then Elisa wocked out.

"O hay new girl" said Gumball. "Your pretty. Will you go out with me to the Jr High Prom?"

"Yes mabey." She tilted hed and thinks. "But look I only date peepols who'se tibia bone can fit into the missing sixth step of the ladder in my house. Hold on let me measure."

"Ok"

Then she got oput ruler and mesasured.

"Ok I go out with you."

"I was originaly goig to ask my crush Penny but your prettier and manlier, and I'm into the manlier type because I am half yaoi."

Then Anasis, "Hay Gumball yu don't reelise that they are going to kill you and use your bone to fix ther ladder?"

"How can a prety persin be so meen? Name one evil pretty girl."

"Hether and Courtney from _Total Drama Revenge of the Island_."

"That's too girls not one so I' won't lissen to you anymore."

Then they went to homes now. Anais looked at the camera in a ticked off look, because too much of the stupidity of the show is from Gumball and not enough smart.

* * *

**(School)**

In between classe Gumball went to locker.

"I'm in love now!" He told to Darwin.

"**WHAT IS THIS A CHICK FLICK?**" Then Darwin slammed his locker and went to class, but forgot to books!

"Darwin you forgot to bring books!" Then Penny went up to Gumball and asked qwuestion.

"Is ther the problem with Darwin he's acting like it's the time of the month for him."

"I don no I think I shuld be a spy to him and see what's wong because frends don't just ignore when someone sudenly gets angry to romance he's always the one to like romance."

"Hi Gumall." It wsas transfer student Elisa!

"Speeking of spys..." Said Peenny, "Say Gumball I think the new girl is being your crush inted of mine and I am getting jelous so I'm going to spy on her then."

"Ok just dnot get yourself killed I think her father works for the hell so yeha."

Then Gumball wocked to class when he saw Tina in the way.

"O hay I was overhear that your frends with Elisa." Said Tina.

"Why r you acting nice to me now?"

"Becuz Elisa has **SATANIC POWERS** and so I'm also her frend and her father is Satan the gost."

"Oh um gulp."

"I treet you with respect now but if you mess with Elisa I'll mess with you. Twice." Then she stomped away, laffing like Bowser.

"YikeS!" Gumball shoutd. "I have gotten myself in a highschool pickel today! And I'm in the middle school! That's some deep shit!"

Meenwile, in counseling center, creepy music played as Mr Small was to answer to fone.

"Hello there?" He asked.

On the other line, Devil voice!

"This is not a warning. I called you to warn you abot that we want a surgery to get rid of Gumball Waterson's tibia."

"Ew that's perverted."

"Tibia is your leg bone."

"O ok then. Why did you call me and no Mr Brown the princible?"

"Becuz I no he wuldn't want to perform school surgery at all never. Now, in five minites one of my poker frends is going to drop a needel full of cat tranquilizer over ther. His name is Shists, because he does all the dirty work."

Then, door nocked! Small was scared as all heck!

He opened it and Shits was smoking three cigars at oncve because being a mob is all about smoking as much as possible, also it shows he's evil because smoking **KILS**.

"HAY! NO MOCKING IN SKOOL!"

"Eh... wher mafia mob nazis. Eh... We don't give two carps about pubic helth saftey."

"oh BTW I'm a cloud man I can rain and put those out."

"Yeah but I'm a salt man I can dry you up if you don't take this needel. ALSO YOU NOT CLOUD! YOU JUST FLEEPING CLOTH OR SOMETHING! FAKER!"

Then handed over needle to Small.

"I want you to go Dexter Morgan on Gumball."

"BUT WAT IF I DO NOT WANT TO?"

"Er..." Shit's eyes looked back and forth. "Er..., we havnt thot that through."

Then he grabed needel and insted of nocking out Gumball he nocked out Shits and called the police.

* * *

**(Omarn's House)**

"U oh" said Giggles. "I tapped into fone wire. Mr Small is calling the police eh."

"bad..." evily chanted Omarn, opposite of saying "good". "We need a new plan."

Elisa came up with plan. "We must use the war."

* * *

**(School)**

Suddenly there was a nock at the door and nobody ansered because ther was class so then the peeopl nocking BUSTSED IT DOWN and it was men in militant uniforms!

"Hay we come to war now so everone hide or else you will die."

Then the evil guys started shootin,g and using nukes but there was nobody to soot at! Insted the shots were a warning over to Mr Brosn, who announced on PA "Attention students wer now at war it's every man and women for themselfs now either get a gun or run your for lives."

Ms Simins class was ending early because of the war at schol so Darwin didn't get screwed over because he didn't books.

Then the defense army came but they only consisted of nine school staff who were redshirts. Most of the redshirts but one were killed by the evil army, the one who didn't had his giant anti-bullet sheeled shot away and his bazooka thingy was also shot to smithereens. Redshirt who was alive ran up to where the Small was looking at Shits body tranquilized.

"This the bad guy right?"

"I think." Then he entered fylosofy. "Therfor I am."

"Ok cool story bro. Now I can kill the badguy for yu."

Redshirt shot Shits but Shits got up and since he was made of salt it dint work against him atall!

"I thot you sleep." Said Mr Small.

"Yeah since I made of Salt everything runs thru me faster."

"O cool."

"No its not. most of the time."

"Wy not?"

"DIAREAH!"

And then Shits shot Mr Small, and thus the first of many deths insued.

(Hay this fan fic is ultimitly written by Gret Pikmin Fan waht do you expect everyon to live?)

Then Shits looked at the camra screen, and he ment bisness!

"Er... Red shirt!" Shoted Shits.

"WHAAAA."

"Er... Brrring me Gumbl Watersin!"

"But I'm a goodv guy!"

"Hay! I stronger then you! Bring him to me or I will END you!"

* * *

**(Roof)**

Gumball was standing ther and he was nervis because Darwin was never seen again after his "CHICK FLICK "outburst and Gumball also never saws Anaias.

Suddenly, Carrie flew through the floor and spoke in a misterious accent.

"Gumball this is time of dire needs I want to be your guide."

"I am not a necrophiliac."

"That's not what I meen I maen I want to assist you."

"Nah."

"TOO BAD. I GIVE YOUR ADVICE, AND YOU LISSEN. YOU CANNOT UNLISSEN TO ADVICE!" Carrier was a fan of Futurama and so was Gumbal and so was everyon so after that comment Gumball litened up.

"Ok I'll be guided. What's first."

"First: Guns. Ask Bobert since he's like the fing Terminator. Also,m beware of WIDNOWS."

So then he went down the roof door and down stairs and into classrooms to double check if he missed anyon there and he saw **FBLEEPING WINDOWS RIGHT THERE**.

He took step cautionally and then sudenly tripped like in Super Smash Bros and tumblred all over the floor and flew out the window.

Unluckly, Shits had stolen a portal gun and used it to make portals from the opening of windows to floor to make Gumball fall in a loop!

"I WARNED YOU ABOUT WINDOWS BRO!" Shouted Carrie. "I WARNED YOU MNAN!"

"IT KEEPS HAPPno forget this."

And then he stopped himself by using catclaws to grab onto outside school wall, and looked around a lot, and was weerded out by the portals.

"Hay I can see my own back of heasd." Said Gumball. Then he saw the portals and remembers something Mr Small tot him before he died was to always look through reflecshins and so then Gumball started metitating and saw figured out that the portals were just tecnology and like all technology there can be... GLITCHES.

"I no! I will glitch the portals so that I can go past them now!"

And then ue wipped out a smartphone and tossed it in, but befor he did he went onto a pornographic website and downloaded a free virus, and the virus spred to the portals and the portals turned into blue and orange numbers and leftr.

"Ok now it's time to find the family."

So then he walked until he found Bobert.

"Afternoon to you, how's war?" Gumball asked.

"I detect slash predict a high probablity of bloodshed."

"Ok on are side or on the enemys side."

"Eether or. I am trying to lern that war is not very pretty."

"War is no pretty." Gumball said with a glare. "War is heck. But do you have guns I use?"

"Ok"

Then BGobert did stretch his arm, annd it was like in the Matrix with a butload of wepons!

"Ok these look good." Said Gumball with a grin. Then he greabbed double pistols and winked at camra.

"Hay Bobert Carrier has opted to join me in mah quest you want to join too?"

"Define quest."

"Nvm you'll just be my wepon rack."

"Captical D, colon, lesser than."

"Hahaha it's funny cuz robots. Also because fanfiction dot net wont allow leser then so I had to pull that jokme out of ass."

But then there was backgrond explosion and Gumball new that he had to add quickly so he ninja jumped all over the place and found that Rocky was fiting against Redshirt and Redshirt was now evil because he didn't want to die from Shists.

"ROCKY WACH OUT!" Gumball said as he noticed that Redshirt had gotten out nuclear reciolless rifle.

Gumball new he had to act reely faster and then he ran and jumped and did a tribple flip in the air and kicked Rocky in one of those "both feet out" kicks and the kick send both of them out the window just in time as Redshirt's big gun launched an explosion which traveled to the wall that would have hit Rocky had it not bee for the kick and then the explosion from the gun hit the wall and exploded.

Carrie flew to Gumbal again. "WHAT DID I TELL ABOUT WINDOWS?"

"I had to or else this guy wuld not have a saved life." Gumball retorted.

"o ok then"

"Holy heck tyou saved me?" Asked Rokcy. "I want to give you thanks."

"Cool I'm a hero now." Gumball said. "My want to thanks is one of those 'gradually lighting up boms'"

"Ok"

Then he gave the bomb to him.

"How did you get that and how you carry that on school grounds?"

"Shh..." Was all he said. "Okay?"

"Um ok?"

Then, Redshirt activated explosives and blew hole in the wall by the broeken window, and did a quaduple frontflip out of the hole!

"Im' not cleaning that up." Said Rocky.

"I can if anyon wants me to." Said Bobert, who was ther since he was tecnically part of the war group.

Gumball killed redshirt using the gradually lighting up bomb.

"That was anticlimatic!" Said Rocky. "Also I'm not cleening that up eeither. Ew."

Gumball looked suspicioun. "How yu know about this weapons?"

He put finger to lips and said "Sh..." again. Then walked away mysteriously.

Gumbqll shrugged and so did his homies until he herd a shrieking scream that sounded like Peenny not Penny like Big Bang Theory but another love interest Penny. The screem sounded like it came from th sewer manhole so Gumball thot for once and was thinking really faster and used crobar to pryu open manhole and like in Futurama tha manhole said "The PJs" whatever that ment. (AN i think it's a reference to the creators of Futurama?) Then he flipped in and was fliprolling down the sewer ladder like in Ed Edd n Eddy but it was a long fall and he hit the sewer sidewalk thingy. Ouch!

Then Gumball herd another Penny scream and decided to run really fast to the source and found EVIL LAIR wher Tobias was laffing evilly and he had Penny stuck in a cage floating above the duel aranea.

"Good afernnoon" Tobias said sounding like Howard on Big Bang Theery. Also that's his voice throughout this story.

"We must do the battling so I can save Penny." Gumball said like a hero. Then he got out his double pistols.

"I sense a kidnaping." Said Bobert. "Shall I fite the badguy?"

"No. I must oner this."

**GRIEF! (an play Zelda rock musoic remix in background)**

Tobias got out a plasma gun and started shooting plasma wich ment fire everywhere. The plasma was spreadding around the metal sewer like wildfire until Gumball found pipe and used it to be extinguishing the fire.

Then Gumball showted reely louder and was rage at how his beloved Penny was being caged rite now by this jerk rival. He started running up the walls and fired his bullets from there and Tobias managed to dodge them by fliprolling all over the place. Then Gumball jumped off wall like Sonic the Hegehog but a cat not a gopher like Sonic is. He then did that cool landing thing you see in the comics and put his hand down when he land, then he ran really fast in circles around Tobias.

"HOLY GUACAMOLY!" Shouted Bobert, "HIS SPEED IS OFF THE CHARTS! I AM SYING THIS TO SHOW OFF GUMBALL'S RUNNING SKILLZ!"

He ran so fast that the wind of him running started up a tonado and becuz Tobias was in the center he was lifted up in the air and Gumball jumped upo and used the wind to fly around in his self-made natrual catastrophe and struck Toboias a lot.

Tobias looked around and was reely not sure and then Gumball's left foot began to light up on fire ("hehe heh heh that's a weerd STD" snarked Tobias) and then he shouted "LET GO OF MY PURSE! THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON NO YOU!"

And then suddeny Gumball flew in and kicked Tobias in the... um... his equivilent of balls. And the force of this magic attck that set his foot on fire had also created a giant beem of fire that ripped through the sewer walls and blasted away Tobiad in a light of fire. DEAD. Gumball landed like a ninja and then he did a handsign and the fire on his foot and on the hjole in the sewer walls blew out.

"Oh my devil!" Shouted Carrie. "That is hhe Flaming Foot! A regendary tecnique by the Watterson clan! also bobby hill"

"Yes my last name is Watterson."

Carrie laffed.

"Why funny?"

"I can't think I never asked."

"Also only my mom nd I no this but I'm the heir to get lots of cash when she dies! It turns out ther was fortune but it being locked away and only wen the time is com I can collect the items to unseel it."

"Hrm I no where these items are at."

"The heck?"

"Yes I study a lot of anchent clan stuff."

"A-HEM!" Penny shot from the cage.

"O rite sory." Said Gumball as he shot the rope holding up the cage. Penny dropped like Princess Peach but there will be no upskirts like you can do in Super Smosh Brothers. (Heh heh get it Sm**o**sh brothers?)

Then Gumball asked, "Ok so then how can I get this cash but then again I want my mom Nicole to get it so that I can keep my persinal code of honor."

"We must go to lands."

Then Tina smashed in.

"O hay someone from the outside how's the war going." Gumball asked suspisiously.

"It over the badguys cannot find you. Now I thick you ticked off Elisa so we muyst fight now."

**GRIEF! (agan)**

"No." Said Gumball. "I must not go areound fiting all of my schoolmates! I must find the keys!"

And then Gumball ran up wall and flipped off and landed on Tina's back and was acting like a rider.

"MUSH MOTHERFUCKER!" He shouted.

"Nah."

And then she threw him off and corned Gumball and Penny.

"OH NOEZ!" Gumball said as Tina was appraoching to eat him, "Penny wiol we makeout before I die?"

"Um yu see about that..."

Then she showed him hand, and there was a ring on it!

"I am engaged to Darin. I did not tell you becuz I was hoping later on in years later I would cheat on him after we got marry and get some from you."

"NO!"

Then Tina backed.

"Teh hell? You are in loving Darwin?"

"Ye."

"Aw man Darwin's soooo cuuute! I cannot hurt anyone he likes."

Then Tina backed the heck away.

"HAY!" Gumball shouted. "BUT I'M HIS BROTHER! Y NEVER THOUGHT THAT?"

"Cuz your only related by adoption."

"Oh that makes purrfect sense." He said it that way becauses cats like to puns.

Then Tina put everyon on her back except Carrie who floated Bober wiho used rocket feet jets like Iron Man except not as cool Gumball who she didn't like and Tobias because he was busy being dead like that show _Firefly_. So basically the only person that actually rode Tina was Penny. But keep in mind that this is not a hint of lesbians in this ok sworry if my Homestuck fan fics have you think otherwise but there is no planned femslash or slash but there might be if you say please.

"Where is the first destination?" Said Gumball who had to walk.

"First plaec is... THE FORST. FOREST OF-"

"Doom like in the picknicks episode where I was naked for half the episode?"

"No worse the forest of DEAHT."

"Hay that's Naruto I thot this fan fic was done with crossovers."

"It's a different frost of death. This has... THE TREE KEY!"

Gumball laughed sporatically. "hahaha I'm so sorry hahaha but that's just hahaha a stupid hahaha name."

* * *

**MEENWILE**

Richard flew through the sky and fell into a sewer.

* * *

BUT, it turned out that the sewer lines was... SAME SEWER GUMBALL IN, so he Richard fell and landed on Tina.

"Hay" said Richard. "Has anyone seen my ass? I thick I lost it in that landmine explosion."

"Yay!" Gumball shouted slash cheered. "I found one family! Now there's three more I need to found!"

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Yes I know HTF Giggles is a chipmunk I don't want a bunch of reviews trying to "correct me," that was supposed to be the joke.

**Fun Fact:** From this chapter alone, the story was to go in a completely different way. Everything up until Penny revealed the ring was the same, but after that Gumball would pass out and awake with jealousy taking him over. He would then end the chapter messaging Darwin like Caliborn in _Homestuck_, asking if he would like to play a game and then flipping him off...

Then again I write enough _Homestuck_ fic and one of the SBIG fics of that comic in question is already supposed to have a character that parallels Caliborn. Among others, including someone from _this_ fan fic...


	2. The Keys

**Gumball Vs Satan**

**Chapter 2: The Keys**

**Beginning AN:**

And thus concludes the pre-Halloween part of the Halloween Update, deliberately posted the day before Halloween!

* * *

The war at scool was put on hiatus becuz the warrers used there GPS to find that Gumball wasn't theer but insted taking a trip to a new place.

Banana Joe who did not die by the way was getting a radio massage from someone we wil find oout later. This person said, "I want yoiu to get me a Knight of Time from Homstuck outfit." and Joe said, "Oak."

* * *

IN tHE FIRST OF DEATH.

"This is a nice forest." Said Gumball excitedly.

"Bt it smells like shit..." Said Tina.

Suddenly, Gumball said, "Hay Bobert I never reely counted you as part of, gang. Pleese leeve and continue protecting school."

"No."

"It is for good of my family and the ohter school homies."

"Ok." And then he Iron Manned away.

"Aw yeah..." said Gumball, "Now I am left with the ladies." (AN Richard was to hospital that was between Elmore and the Forest of Death)

Suddenly, a tank fell1 Opened, and then Darwin!

"Dangit I don't get to be a pimp!" Gumball said solumly.

"Gumball I have the bad news. You see...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"PENNY ND I ARE ENGAGED AND WE WILL GET MARRIED IN A FEW YEARS!"

"Oh that? I alreddy know."

"Aw. Man, I wish this get some plot twists!"

"Yes but no. The fan fic sha;ll remain very predicktable." Said Gumball again, not letting the girls talk.

"Now. Forst."

THE FIRST KEY IN THE FOREST.

Gumball was hiding in tank with Darwin b/c he is a pussy. Tina, Penny walked, Carrie floated.

Suddenly, Slenderman!

No wait that was just thoe figure things from _Super Mario Galaxy 2_ and _Super Mario 3D Land_. NVM.

Thenbm, boss of the forest area! It was a deforrester!

"Hello I am a guardian wich means that I have ther important item. You want iot? COME AND GET IT SUCKERS!"

And then he was a jumberjack so got out chainsaw and was swinging it around a lot. But the good guys wernt neer him, so he just shouted a lot and took out a gun!

Then Gumball shouted "NO!" but then the jumberjacl shot it and it was a "bang flag" because she did not want to hurt her son.

"Wait." Lumberjack said as she took off mask to reveal Nicole. "Gumball I didn't know that that that was you over there."

"Oh yeah well I was."

"Sorrt. But what are you doing out here?"

"Looking for the key."

Nicole gasped! "Hu!" That is a gasping sound right? "You know that we're the celebrity family in disguise?"

"Yes."

"Okay then... I guess it is the come of age."

Then she handed him key.

"Okay," Carrie instructed, "Tha was the easy part but it will only get harder from here. The next key is the FIRE KEY and it is in the Desert of Western."

"OH GOD NOT THE STEREOTYPES." Darwin said.

Said Gumball "Don worry there's always the tank to hide in."

* * *

**(Dessert of Western)**

They walked through the desert and it was tiring.

"MAN AM I EXHAUSTED." Shouted Gumball.

"You think you have it bad?" Said Tina, "You're riding on me now you dork so I have twice your tired!" Which was in fact happening by the way!

Gumball's eyes widened. "Wow! You're right!"

He jumped off of her. "Well tha was but an akward. I hope you don't take it the wrong way and think I was just being lazy or trying to revenge you from bullying me. I was kinda under impresseion that if you were really big and strong and stuff, and could help out a frien."

"Aw that's nice."

"What's nicer is letting Darwin ride on you while I ttake the tank. I think it's hot in there, isn't it?"

"Hell yes!" Darwin cried, using the H word (hell not herpes) because it was in fact hot.

The tank popped open and Darwin jumped out and looked vaguely dehydrated. As they walked past eachother, Gumball lowered his mouth to Darwin's ear and whispered, "I gave you a closer shot at Tina now so you can go from twosome with Penny to three, cheating on her too. you can thank me later." Tine lowered her neck and lifted Darwin up onto her back as Gumball got into the tank and said to himself. "Meanwhile _I_ get the one with the tank. Now where's the AC... Oh right! I guess Darwin didn't see that, dumass!"

Carrie, Penny, Tina, and Darwin turned in his direction.

"Wait why is there thing saying "microphone" with thing saying "on" beneath oops I left the mike on I think they can hear me..."

After shutting it off akwardly they continued until they saw the West Town.

"No pyramids?" Darwin wined.

"No." Said Carrie. "Miserable, no?"

"Very."

After looking around the town for time alaround (that was dope rhymes), they still found nothing, so looked around. Probably by asking.

"Say," Said Gumball,"Do you know where the Fire Key is? Um no reason."

"Try the saloon." Said a random person.

Gumball then burst open the doors like a badass.

"Hedy there cowboys." He said in a badass accent. "Is the Fire Key near here?"

"Whose asking?" Asked a guy with a jackass accent.

"Gumball Watterson! They keys unlock my inheiritage."

"So?"

"_So_? I thought being a potential rich guy makes me really wanted by everybody!"

Thy all turned to his face, "They" being eveyone in the salon. Another guy who sounded like gruff prisoner guy with a lot of scars said, "You ain't wanted here," then he pointed to a sign saying "Wanted: Gumball Watterson Dead or Alive (Not the sexy game but the term)," saying "But you _are_ wanted." In a prisoner accent.

"Gumball gulped as the salon people drew guns out.

"ROAR!" Shouted Tina as she broke through the wall and ran in between Gumball and the guns. "You wanna shoot with me?"

"Ughh..." Darwin said from atop Tina, looking like he was dehydrating as they do in Spongebob.

"Oh Christing hell he needs water!" Tina shouted. "Get him some water or else ill eat you!" Then she turned to the camera and said, "See that is how you do jerk with a heart of gold."

"hay I'm made of poison" one of the sallon people was a poinson-man, he said "So um if you eat me you'll die."

"Oh in that case ILL EAT EVERYONE BUT POISON MAN!"

"SO I CAN SHOOT THEN?" Shouted Poison Man.

"WAIT NO I DIDN'T MEAN-"

And the Poison Man shot, and there was a large number of chaoses everywhere. The gang all ran away except for the Watterson Brothers who Gumball of which ran to a water cooler with Darwin on his shoulder and Gumball quickly filled lots of water cups to give them to the Darwin.

"Dont you see?" Gumball shouted. "This guy could have died of desert but I saved his life! Why am I wanted anyway? I'm a life saver, not a life ender!"

A tear dropped from Tina's eyes because she saw that Gumball was not that much of a coward as Tina secretly had been. She clapped in applause and soon Penny and Carrie followed. Then the rest of the bar clapped and Gumball bowed.

"So can I have the key?" He asked.

Poison Man scratched chin and said, "No."

Carrie sigheds. "This is getting too much filler, I'm gonna do something big." So she warpaported right in front of Poison Man and turned into an Excorsits Face because Carrie can shapeshift to scare people appearantly.

"AH! Alright, alright, I stil can't give you the key because I don know where it is - none of us do! But, we know who does know, and you persuaded us into telling you where to look! Or who to look!"

"Who?" Gumball asked.

"Clint Eastwood! But he doesn't respond to stuff nicely. You'll have to bestt him! In a rap off!"

"Where to find him?"

"He likes being out when everybody's indoors. Like right now. Look outside the hlall, maybe he's there."

And then the doors brust open, and it was Clint!

"Alright, the town's getting dirty from this new cat guy and I'm here to clean it. Come out to the middle of the open road or whatever it's called to settle this dispute."

"Alright!" Shouted Gumball. And he and the gang left. Meanwhile Nicole, who yes was following with them the whole time, went up to poison man.

"Hi this is for trying to kill my sun." And she katana'd him in half. The salon gasped.

* * *

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!  
****CLINT EASTWOOD!  
****VERSUS!  
****GUMBALL WATTERSON!  
****BEGIN!**

Clint said:

_I shoot cowboys, punk, I'm one of the best._  
_So just da-na-na-na-nah (wah wah wah!) You don't live in the Wild Wild West!_

Gumball:

_You're a bigger pussy than me! Yikes!_  
_You'd regret it if the cowboy times had Skype!_

They stared at eachother afterward. But it wasn't gay love staring because Gumballs' not into dudes with cowboy hats.

"Fine, yer can take the gosh darn Fire Key." he turned around and threw it and it flipped through the air like cool.

"Yes!" He shouted, holding out his hands.

They key landed on the floor instead because Clint's aim was shitty. Gumball had to pick it up with hands and it was less epic because of that.

"Okay, what's next?"

"Next on list is water key."

Gumball's eyes widened up. "Okay easy, does this mean beach?"

"Um no. The Snowland of Ice."

* * *

**(?)**

Joe got another radio massage!

"We need to eliminate Nicole Watterson she's a threat." Said the mystery voice.

"How? We can't kill her the girls' invisible!"

"Then do something else."

"What?"

"I saw her kill a man. That's aganst the law. Get cops."

"Ok we must cops her to death"

"No not to death, to arrest! Hopefully the time she spends in prison will be long enough for me to do plans"

* * *

**(Snowland of Ice)**

It was, of course, really really cold.

"Hey this is cold but it's okay cuz we're cool!" He put on Ben Stiller shades for pun.

"Yes." Carrie laughed with the stupid joke. "Now I beleeve the thid and last key is somewhere around..."

There was a sinken ship in the middle of the snow!

"Is the key in there!" Gumball asked impatiently so that he can get rich.

"Actually, yes!" Carrie shouted.

They truged forward, when duddenly the weather got ever worse then before! There was snowing now! But it was only in select spot underneath them... what was going on!

They looked up, and it was that cloud girl! And I know she is a girl becuase I looked it up on the website.

"Hi...?" Said Darwin, now really hydrated but getting almost TOO hydrated because it now cold instead of hot.

"Cut the crap." Said Misami. "I know that thiss is a top secret adventure to money you pissing middle class, and I want in on this kickass adventure."

"Oh, alright, fine," Said Gumball, though he should be happy and not annoyed because this means for ladies for him to hit on. "Now to the ship."

* * *

**(Ship)**

It was both cold and dark at the same time, and there was not so much of the fun snow to play around as the ice that can hurt like heck.

Tehre was the key right across a simple pit! But Gumball shook his head...

"It is indoors unlike the other two keys who are outdoors. Touching it may be a trap."

Misami rolled her eyes. "Trap my adss." And floated over to it and touched it, then the ship started rumbling! A boulder came out and started chasing after Misami! It was Indiana Jones!

Gumball dashed after her to save her from Indiana Jones The Boulder, shouting "NO!" But all that did was put Gumbll in the path as he only pushed her enough to the wall!

"Let's run or float depending on are species"! Shouted Misami and they began running don the hallway intensely.

Dun dun-dun-dun! Dun dun dun! Dun- nah that's stupid. They outran Indiana Jones until reaching a pit where Gumball got on Misama and Misami flew over it but Indiana Jones fell into it. Indiana Jones screamed as he fell, "AHHH I WISH I HAD HANDS SO I CAN DON'T DIE!"

"We should be moe careful next time!" Gumball cheered.

"Yes!"

But then they blushed because they realized they were getting close together like a hug.

Then the ship started rum,bliong! It was actually not a sunker ship but still active, so it took off in the air!

"We must find the pirate behind this!" Gumball shouted as he and Misama ran up to the top of the ship.

* * *

**(The Top of the ship)**

Gumball still had the Water Key but it was useless without the Trree Key and Fire Key which Carrie had right now so he could not complete the quest unless he and his potensial new girlfriend Misami (since Penny was engaged to Darwin) broke up. The found the priate and she was a sexy parrot. With wings. And a humen on her shoulder named frank, get it because humans have parrots on there shoulders when they become piraetes unless it's Blackbeard frm _Epic Rap Battles of History_ because otherwise Johnny Depp would sue him. The ship was in the air by this point because that was what the rumnbkling was it was the ship's engine jets taking it off into the skies above.

"Pirate what are you doing here?" Gumball was the first to speak because he was acfting as the hero of the story!

"This is an airship actually," She said, "It has cannons and I am thinking of firing them on that little town over there." She pointed to snowy village.

Her human-p[arrot said, "Yeah dumbass we're badguys an't you tell by the patch and the wood leg?"

Suddenly, Nicole bursted through the floor and glared at them! "Do not hut my son!"

Then suddenly, police cars drove on the ship and Donut Guy arrested her.

"We are under arresting you for killing Poison Guy in the Desert of Western." And they drove off with her! "NO!" Shouted Gumball in anger.

"Hahaha" Sad the pirate, "You cannot get ur mommy to help me you little mama's boy!"

"I'm ain't no mama's boy!" Shouted Gumball, even more angry!

"Yeah you are!" The shoulder-human said and laughed becfore Gumball got out gun (AN it was Clint Eastwood's he lended it to him because of Gumball's sick rhymes) and shot him and he was dead.

Then the pirate!

No wait, Misami just struck her with lightening. Gumball got on his cellphone and contacted his fellow peeps to come over here so that they can joincombine the keys to unlock the riche.s

Carrie floated over there first because she was like his guide orf something. "Okay I have the oterh two keys floating inside me thanks to my levitation powers now let's go."

But the pirate wasn't dead! Until Gumball shot her. After that they all decided to go outside even though the ship was flying on its own I guess because it was an advanced machine?

* * *

**(Outside of the ship)**

Gumball saw Carrie writng in black book.

"Hay is that diary?"

"Uh..." she blushed. "Yes."

"I steal it now to see what you think hee hee hee."

And then he jumped unexpectatly and snatched it out of her hands, and looked. "Ooh you wrote 'Gumball Watterson' on it iz it a poossbiel crush now that Penny is not a opinion for me since she is engaged to Darwin? Well I'm soryy," he arroganted, "You'll have to wait in lien behind Misami."

Carrie started laffing. "Know wha? Keep reeding. I dare."

It said this: _Gumbll Waterson: Bleed to deth. He sees the opwner of this Death Note writting in ot, thinks it's a diaryt about a crush, then jumps in it, but it tuns out it was in the line of the sword fiing mahine as part of the airship. The machine spits out a sord and the sword is spainning because spinning makes things cooler, then it cuts Gumblall in the back and he bleeds to deah. Also The owner of this notebook does not die in spites of being in lin of fire becuz she is a gost._

"Wat." Gumball said.

Suddenly, the sword-shooter (AN the cannons don't shoot cannonballs they shoot swords instead and this was one of the sword shooters it's just "the" and not "a" because I don't know) shot a sword, and it spun around in a circle, and this cut a hoizontal slash on Gumball's back! He fell to the ground, wile holding his left hand up in sad as if to say shock but his right hand was down. The Ben Stiller shades which he by the way had on the entire time FLEW off, and flying into the air.

"CARRIE! YOU TRADER! IT TURNS OUT THAT YOUR DIARY IS REELY A... DEATH NOTE!"

Then Carrie laffed and took off the black sticker over the label to conform this theory. Banana Joe teleported to her side holding a stupid Homstuck God Tier time outfit.

In his last words Gumbal sad... "How..."

"It was perfect plan. I gt you to do all the boring key stuff while I just sit back and exposition. Then, I kill you, and because if you kill a heir, THE KILLER GET ALL OF THERE MONEY! So now I can not only legally own the keys, since the keys are made of emrald ruby and shappire, but I alkso own the hidden money! I'm richer then Mitt Romney now! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"BUT GUmBALl IS MAIN HOPW CAN YOU KILL HIM OFF? SHOULDN'T HE PLOT ARMOR?" Darwin said breaking the forth wall.

"THERE ARE NO ROOLES IN A GPF FAN FIC! ANYONE CAN DIE!"

"Well... you killed brother!"

The Ben Stiller Shades fell on her face and she gave a pose just before she said this: "AINT I A DICK?"

Then she rote more! But Darwin grabbed the guns from Gumball's cold hands and shot at her before she can right more names! But the bullets pass through!

"Ghosts don't die moronic!"

"O yeah well deth notes can!" And then he shot the death note and the death note flew through the air and exploded.

"Too late I alreddy wronte 'Darwin Watterson. Dies of hartattack.'"

Then Fourty seconds passed and Darwin laffed. "But that's not my full name!"

"O COCK."

Then flash of light occured around Carrie and she was in human form!

"The hell?" Asled Darwin.

"When a gost kills a person they become life."

But she was naked so put on the night of time to outfit herself. (She was always naked but she just finally got the oppertunity to wear clothes because ghost clothes were expensive aside from her hairclip.) Then she also put on a jetpack and Banana Joe had one too.

"See yah, lozers! Mwa ha ha!"

And then she flew off. And Darwin looked up in the sky and like in _Star Wars_ shouted, "NOOO!"

But then there was one left unfound to the family! Darwin's cell phone rang, and it was Anais!

"Hello?" It was Anais!

"Yes?"

"I am in France to hide from the badguys however I told Carrie where I was and now it turns out she's badguy and so the badguys miught know where I am."

"Wy didn't you tell us?"

"I only had time to tell one and Carrie could teleport so there's that fact. Also I kinda thought she would end up with Gumball but look at how that turned out hahahaha."

So then stay TOON (get it because it's a cartoon) for the next part in chapter 3: The Tower!

* * *

**(Back at Where Gumball Dead)**

Gumball's dead body was still there after The Gang left. Omarn, Eliza, Shits, and Giggles were there.

"WELL MY." Shouted Omarn. "This mission is gonna be easier than I thought!"

But then Gumball turned green and lived! But it wasn't Gumball, it was Jealousy, and he was jeaousy at Darwin for dating Penny! But becusase Gumball died while as Gumball and not as Jealously, that means that only the Gumball personality is dead while the Jealousy took ovver. It was kind of like Caliborn taking over Calliope in Homestuck.

"HAHAHA I AM NOW AN EVIL GUMBALL1" Shouted Jealousy, as he tore through the tundra, running through Shits on the way. Shits was broken to powder but because he was made of salt he used his main ability to regenerate himself back to normal.

"Er..." Said Shits, "Why can't it be easy to fix a ladder?"

Giggles laughed. "When was being a gangster that works with the Devil easy?"

Devil? Yes because as it tursn out... OMAGN WAS REALLY SATAN! **THATS** WHY IT'S CALL THIS: GUMBALL VS SATAN!

"Say what you will about killing the Gumball," Said Eliza, "But I like the Darwin now in a crushing way... hee hee hee..."

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Unlike most chapters I write (including those of SBIG), I have _not_ really gave this one final look-over between when I wrote the final major scene and when I published it. Usually even after finalizing I tend to give a chapter another look-over, mainly if said finalization involves adding a completely new part. If there are any glaring errors that _don't_ fit with this fic's general intentionally bad writing, I will fix it soon. I just wanted to get this out by the deadline.


End file.
